This isn't really a break down of Scripture, I guess, but more along the lines of integrity and honesty and doing something we all have to do...deal with mistakes. In EVERY area of our lives we deal with mistakes, faults in judgment and sometimes, downright intentional, conscious wrongs in our lives. A truth that I've heard over and over is that one's reputation is defined not so much by the absence of mistakes in your life, but more so by your response to the presence of mistakes that inevitably come along.
Here are some thoughts on making mistakes and how you handle them when you do. These thoughts have come from listening to various speakers and mentors in my life, but also germinate from doing further introspection on my own failures/successes in response to my mistakes, and also from watching other people's handling of their own situations, both positively and negatively. I'm not "preaching" from the "top of the hill" here by any means...here we go. We're assuming it's your mistake from here on out...
1) When possible, be the first to admit it. I'm going further than just admission, actively trumpet the investigation if it's you. If you know you did something, don't wait for someone to figure out who did it. Quite the opposite, call the person affected and tell them first...hopefully before they feel the effects of it at all Yeah, occasionally, it might cost you something they wouldn't ever have known, but in most situations, it will develop trust that if you do something wrong, they will never have to worry about chasing you down. Admit it to those that are most greatly affected by it in order of most to least.
2) Always take responsibility...apologize first...try to make it right first... If it's your mistake, own it completely without trying to deflect responsibility to someone/something else.
Don't plea bargain. On Law and Order, many times, the ADA Jack McCoy (on older episodes) will negotiate with a random defense attorney (the L & O version of the guys in the Red Shirts that were always dog meat on the old Star Trek). He'll take the real crime and negotiate the charges down to something the defense attorney can live with, but something that will satisfy the DA, if he feels the original charge might cause him to lose with a jury trial. Many times our first response to being caught in a mistake is to try to lessen the severity of what was done or "plea bargain" our fault down to something smaller to make us feel better...don't do that...you know. Have integrity.
Don't make excuses. Excuses and reasons are really close together sometimes...but ask yourself.
Am I making an excuse?
Here's a good determiner. Judge your response by this. Is the reason I'm giving something that absolutely prevented me from accomplishing what I promised or is it a factor that made it harder, but really shouldn't have stopped me? 2nd shot: Would you call someone on your excuse if they were giving it to you? You know the answer to those two questions.
Tidbit on 1 and 2: Being quick and forthcoming in admitting your mistake and taking responsibility for it can many times turn a short-term negative into a long-term positive.
3) Work the solution to immediate damage first. What we can tend to do is start trying to fix what caused the problem, as in giving the reason why it happened..that's great for next time, but it doesn't fix what's wrong now. Don't move to the explanation of why it happened until you've dealt with the immediate damage. Fix what's wrong now first, then deal with later after. When you try to start trying to save your reputation, you communicate that you are more concerned about you than the damage you are responsible for or the person you might have wronged.
If there is a reason that legitimately made it impossible to complete the task, that's honest and after you've taken responsibility, after you've apologized and tried to make it right, let people know that. That might help avoid further problems...that's productive. Which leads to #4.
4) Evaluate it and chuck it. Study it and learn why you made it, take something positive from it. Then, throw...it...away. I've fallen into the traps that exist on the opposite ends of both of these things. I've made mistakes, not evaluated why, not learned from them and done exactly what happens when you do that...repeated the mistake again. I've also held the mistake in my heart and have beaten myself up over it time and time again...which makes you timid, afraid to take risks and demotivated. Both traps are POINTLESS, damaging, and counterproductive.
The truth is that lapses in judgment and character problems happen to everyone...everyone messes up sometime, so you are no different from anyone else. All of those things are just evidence of something that should be generally accepted...there is a sin nature inside you that seeks to rule your heart. You don't believe me...ever said "I know I shouldn't do this, but..." followed by that little adrenaline rush...yep, there you go. You will always struggle with it, but through Christ, you can overcome it. Still, you will never be away from it, so learn from it and rest on God's grace in your life.
Some of the greatest lessons ever learned, taught or modeled in the Bible have been setup by someone blowing it...don't be so apprehensive about playing the idiot in your story (preachers could learn a lot from this). When we are quick to take responsibility, seek forgiveness, and get things right in our relationships, we are modelling the correct behavior to deal with sin in our relationship with God. When we are open and honest about our missteps, we allow others to be also. There's a lot of pent-up people in the world who need to lighten up and enjoy the fact that Romans 8:28 tells us that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love and serve the Lord." So if I'm following Him, even when I realize I've blown it, I'm in good shape. Admit it quickly...1 John 1:9 tells us He will forgive us (which is something we need to model when we are on the other end of the forgiving stick, btw...another blog for another time). Ask forgiveness, make restitution when necessary or possible. What is the lesson to be learned...assimilate that, then chuck it and the useless guilt that it brings.
Here are some thoughts on making mistakes and how you handle them when you do. These thoughts have come from listening to various speakers and mentors in my life, but also germinate from doing further introspection on my own failures/successes in response to my mistakes, and also from watching other people's handling of their own situations, both positively and negatively. I'm not "preaching" from the "top of the hill" here by any means...here we go. We're assuming it's your mistake from here on out...
1) When possible, be the first to admit it. I'm going further than just admission, actively trumpet the investigation if it's you. If you know you did something, don't wait for someone to figure out who did it. Quite the opposite, call the person affected and tell them first...hopefully before they feel the effects of it at all Yeah, occasionally, it might cost you something they wouldn't ever have known, but in most situations, it will develop trust that if you do something wrong, they will never have to worry about chasing you down. Admit it to those that are most greatly affected by it in order of most to least.
2) Always take responsibility...apologize first...try to make it right first... If it's your mistake, own it completely without trying to deflect responsibility to someone/something else.
Don't plea bargain. On Law and Order, many times, the ADA Jack McCoy (on older episodes) will negotiate with a random defense attorney (the L & O version of the guys in the Red Shirts that were always dog meat on the old Star Trek). He'll take the real crime and negotiate the charges down to something the defense attorney can live with, but something that will satisfy the DA, if he feels the original charge might cause him to lose with a jury trial. Many times our first response to being caught in a mistake is to try to lessen the severity of what was done or "plea bargain" our fault down to something smaller to make us feel better...don't do that...you know. Have integrity.
Don't make excuses. Excuses and reasons are really close together sometimes...but ask yourself.
Am I making an excuse?
Here's a good determiner. Judge your response by this. Is the reason I'm giving something that absolutely prevented me from accomplishing what I promised or is it a factor that made it harder, but really shouldn't have stopped me? 2nd shot: Would you call someone on your excuse if they were giving it to you? You know the answer to those two questions.
Tidbit on 1 and 2: Being quick and forthcoming in admitting your mistake and taking responsibility for it can many times turn a short-term negative into a long-term positive.
3) Work the solution to immediate damage first. What we can tend to do is start trying to fix what caused the problem, as in giving the reason why it happened..that's great for next time, but it doesn't fix what's wrong now. Don't move to the explanation of why it happened until you've dealt with the immediate damage. Fix what's wrong now first, then deal with later after. When you try to start trying to save your reputation, you communicate that you are more concerned about you than the damage you are responsible for or the person you might have wronged.
If there is a reason that legitimately made it impossible to complete the task, that's honest and after you've taken responsibility, after you've apologized and tried to make it right, let people know that. That might help avoid further problems...that's productive. Which leads to #4.
4) Evaluate it and chuck it. Study it and learn why you made it, take something positive from it. Then, throw...it...away. I've fallen into the traps that exist on the opposite ends of both of these things. I've made mistakes, not evaluated why, not learned from them and done exactly what happens when you do that...repeated the mistake again. I've also held the mistake in my heart and have beaten myself up over it time and time again...which makes you timid, afraid to take risks and demotivated. Both traps are POINTLESS, damaging, and counterproductive.
The truth is that lapses in judgment and character problems happen to everyone...everyone messes up sometime, so you are no different from anyone else. All of those things are just evidence of something that should be generally accepted...there is a sin nature inside you that seeks to rule your heart. You don't believe me...ever said "I know I shouldn't do this, but..." followed by that little adrenaline rush...yep, there you go. You will always struggle with it, but through Christ, you can overcome it. Still, you will never be away from it, so learn from it and rest on God's grace in your life.
Some of the greatest lessons ever learned, taught or modeled in the Bible have been setup by someone blowing it...don't be so apprehensive about playing the idiot in your story (preachers could learn a lot from this). When we are quick to take responsibility, seek forgiveness, and get things right in our relationships, we are modelling the correct behavior to deal with sin in our relationship with God. When we are open and honest about our missteps, we allow others to be also. There's a lot of pent-up people in the world who need to lighten up and enjoy the fact that Romans 8:28 tells us that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love and serve the Lord." So if I'm following Him, even when I realize I've blown it, I'm in good shape. Admit it quickly...1 John 1:9 tells us He will forgive us (which is something we need to model when we are on the other end of the forgiving stick, btw...another blog for another time). Ask forgiveness, make restitution when necessary or possible. What is the lesson to be learned...assimilate that, then chuck it and the useless guilt that it brings.
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