Hot topic: Fifty Shades of Grey

It's up to us all to decide what we bring into our hearts and lives and homes.  From what I read this is a pretty sought after book by women in America right now, and while I hesitate to give it any press, I imagine that if you are on Facebook, you've heard of the book.

Me?  As a guy, I'd rather read my Batman novel, but for others who might consider this and I'm not ripping you, you might want to consider some things.  Before this sounds like a man telling folks what to do, I'll pass the baton to Dannah Greesh co-authored Lies Young Women Believe with Nancy Leigh DeMoss (author of the best selling Lies Women Believe), who really put some thought into Fifty Shades of Grey and her choice about it.

You...your choice, I wouldn't tell you to just blindly follow any person save Christ in your life, but it's always good to listen to well-thought out wisdom and use that resource in our decision making process.  Click the link and check out her blog...thanks, Carrie and Michelle for sharing the resource.

I'm Not Reading "Fifty Shades of Grey"

P.S. No this is not a "you're a bad person, you sinner thing" blog...it's got good points that we all should consider as Christ followers.

Judge not...the real truth and the real sin

"Who am I to judge?"  I heard this last week from Carrie Underwood in her comments about same sex union and her faith.  I'm not here to bash her...why would I?  For the record I disagree with her, but she's another human being and regardless of what she says, she's right about one point, God has called me to love her as a sister in Christ...so, no, not out to call her stupid, but one thing has to stop...the ol' "who am I to judge" fiasco. 

While it's concerning, but understandable, that many people outside of the faith of Christ, really don't have a clue on what they are saying when they throw out the "judge not lest you be judged" variant, the greater problem are the Christians that misuse this over and over, perpetuating bad theology...so I'm going to take a stab at this concept and I hope this helps someone.

The problem:

Matthew 7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged."  That's what the verse says, but it's not how some people interpret it.  While they quote this verse, they really interpret judge to mean "Don't tell anyone they are wrong".  Really, so that's what "judging" is?  So we're saying that this verse really means "Don't tell anyone they are wrong or they might tell you that you are wrong."  That is NOT what it says.  That doesn't even make sense and no one lives that way anyway. 

Let's practically apply this philosophy to some situations and see how we feel about it:
If my child wants to jam a fork in an active electrical outlet, am I not to tell them that this is wrong, because they might find somewhere that I'm wrong and then tell me I'm wrong and anyway, "who am I to judge"?
If I have a friend who's sloshed out of his gourd, who has a strong core belief that he is not impaired by alcohol at all, who is leaving to go for a drive on I-95...blindfolded...in a Ferrari, am I not to tell him that's wrong because he can't understand at the moment that this is wrong and he's a danger to himself and to others, because "who am I to judge"?
If I have a friend who met an exotic dancer in the checkout line at Walmart and he's completely set on leaving his "boring" wife and 5 kids because he and this women "connected" in their conversation, can I only say to him "hey man, go for it, you're right...who am I to judge?"
I guess the police a few weeks ago with that cannibal in Miami, should have just stood back and let him go to town on the homeless dude, because "who am I to judge?"
Or let's get real...anyone willing to let Jerry Sandusky just walk away from his trial because he's just following his heart, so "who am I to judge"?
What's the big deal with the Republicans (whoever they really are -- I think someone made them up) who hate people and want to kill homeless people and live on yachts in a sea of golden money?  Hey, "judge not, lest you be judged"....if you are being consistent.

Absolutely not...those examples are ridiculous and of course, not what Jesus meant, but that's what people want to tell you every day that this is what He said.

Oh,but Jim, those are terrible things, we obviously should step in there...so, NOW, it's not "who am I to judge", now you are making it about "when and what will I call judging".

Personally, I don't even want this ridiculous misinterpretation around me...it's sad.  For me, if I'm wrong and I'm damaging people, by all means, please tell me I'm wrong...please help me and please correct me.  Please don't let me continue to damage myself or others or mess people up by continuing to do something damaging or hurtful or anything, please step in...  That just doesn't even make sense to believe that way...and obviously, no one really does, they just say that when they want to win an argument with someone that might be affected by some phrase from their faith or their childhood.

Missing the boat

I've seen Christians say this, and it makes me wonder if they have ever read the Bible.  Jesus told people they were wrong all the time.  He called people out on sin-controlled secular practices that were accepted by the culture of the day AND he called people on sin-controlled religious practices that were accepted by the religious structure of the day. 

That doesn't even work with other Scripture...how do any of these work if you can't tell anyone they are wrong?
"He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding."  Proverbs 15:22 - There's no correction to heed or understanding to be had, because no one can correct anyone.  That make any sense?  nope.

Look at what Proverbs 15:12 says "A mocker resents correction; he will not consult the wise."  So basically if you won't listen to correction, it's not calling you something positive, but if we go by this misinterpretation of Matthew 7, then there's no correction to be had.
"1 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently."  Galatians 6 - so how am I supposed to know to restore someone if I can have no opinion on their actions?  Can't evaluate what someone's doing...oh no, that's just wrong, "can't judge lest you be judged".  More from Galatians 6...how am I supposed to help bear one another's burdens (which is more than just a problem, it's talking about their sin there, not just a lack of food or money) if I have no idea that they are in sin.

It doesn't even work with Matthew 7, where the verse comes from...people who interpret vs 1 to mean "don't tell anyone they are wrong" haven't really read the whole chapter.  The large majority of the chapter is about how to tell true prophets from false ones, how to tell true disciples from false ones and how to discern who's actions declare them wise and who's actions declare them foolish.  So, not only does the "don't tell anyone they're wrong" not apply to life, to the Bible, to Jesus' life, but it also doesn't even make sense with the Scripture that is immediately around it.  The whole passage is not about creating a whole society that can never tell anyone their wrong...that comes from a misunderstanding of what the word translated "judge" means.  In fact, it doesn't even apply to the life philosophy of anyone who throws that verse around (because they are usually pointing out someone's "wrongs" and breaking their own rule of "judging" someone, when they are "envoking" the Scripture).  Most of the time that someone brings this up, they are both misapplying it's meaning AND violating the misdefinition at the same time.  It's time to get to the real definition and leave the messed up one behind.   

What does "judge" mean anyway?

The word for "judge" there means to declare unworthy or irredeemable or too far gone.  There is only one Entity who has the right or the wisdom to do that and this is God.  That is simply not my call or my right or my responsibility.  Basically, what this verse is really saying is "Never pronounce someone as irredeemable or unworthy or worthless and write them off as not worth God's time or that will happen to you". 

Here is what Jesus says about judgment also in John 12 "⁴⁷ “If anyone hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge that person. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world. ⁴⁸ There is a judge for the one who rejects me and does not accept my words; the very words I have spoken will condemn them at the last day."  So, on this trip to Earth, where Jesus modeled our extreme example, He says we are not to judge, then he defines what he means by judging...the judge who will judge the one who rejects Jesus and His teachings on the last day.  That "last day" is referred to as the "Great White Throne Judgment" in Revelations and that is when God, the only true Judge, will make the final determination...the only Judge who can.If you deem someone else not worthy to hear the truth or not worth your time to try to help them from damaging themselves, then you just made your judgment on their final worth...you have judged them by writing them off.  as Matthew 7 says.  You decided that they are too far gone to listen to truth, you've said they are irredeemable.  You have really violated Matthew 7:1 and if you live as though you never should speak the truth to someone or point out that they are wrong, you are judging them.  In your quest to slay dragons, you just became one yourself.

What is the "real sin" that bothers everyone so much?

I believe that there is a widespread problem with Christians expressing their beliefs about what is right and wrong, but it's not because "who am I to judge".  It's also not about being hypocritical -- hello, to actually become a Christian you have to admit you are a hypocrite and have been one all your life and that you expect to have to struggle with being a hypocrite AND that you cannot stop being a hypocrite ever on your own and you need God's grace to cover you when you follow the path of a hypocrite.

The real sin?  It's violating Ephesians 4:15 which says "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ."  We are really good at speaking what we believe as truth, but overlook speaking it in love.  Here's where the two sides usually fall and fail, for that matter.

Side one --- love is more important than truth.
I don't want anyone to feel bad or to have weirdness with me, so I will just "love" them (neither "love" nor "them" is used correctly there) and ignore everything they do.  That's a violation of Galatians 6, Matthew 7,
Jude 1:22-23a "²² Be merciful to those who doubt; ²³ save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear"
James 5:19-20 - ¹⁹ My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, ²⁰ remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins. 
***Incidentally, if you wonder why Christians are in people's business, they aren't necessarily busybodies, they are trying to help.

Proverbs 27:17 ¹⁷ As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

-- what do you think is getting knocked or rubbed off in the contact of personalities?  Faults..
It doesn't remotely follow the example set by Jesus on this Earth.  He consistently took it on the chin to confront people who were wrong.  Paul consistently took it on the chin to confront people with their sin.  Every prophet with a book to his name throughout the ENTIRE Bible, every apostle, every disciple held as example and every character in the book was either confronted or did the confronting about sin in the lives of others and not one place does God EVER say, ignore the control of sin in someone else's life.  You hate your brother when you do that.  Leviticus 19:17 shows God's consistency in saying ""'Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt."  So that' verse equates NOT telling your brother he's wrong iwth HATING him, quite the opposite in the way people are misapplying "judge not" these days.  Not only are you hating your brother/sister by avoiding the truth, you are now SHARING in their guilt because you let it go.  It's your Biblical reponsibility not to abandon truth just to avoid uncomfortable situations.

Side two -- truth is more important than love

The way that the Greek sentence is constructed in Ephesians 4:15, speaking the truth is done from inside of something or as the condition in which something operates...in this case, truth must be spoken out of the motive, from INSIDE love.  The only way truth is delivered is from inside of love...love is the greater focus here, in fact, back from Lev 19, love IS sharing truth, hate is the opposite.

Sharing truth without love is just mean, and lazy.  It distorts the truth because the greatest truth of God is His love and when you act outside of that commitment to another, you are preaching a separate Gospel.  God didn't send Jesus because He was mad at us and wanted to just "shut us up but good" one time... God wasn't so sick of us and our big talk that He sent Jesus to die on the cross to shame us.  No, we must pattern the way we interact with others in the way that God revealed truth to us...wrapped in love.

If you sacrifice the love in the truth you speak, you still violate the tenant and command set forth in this verse...there is NO WAY around it.  Galatians 6 talks about how we are to approach someone who is caught in a sin...whether they are in bondage or (I think as well) if you actually "catch" them in their faults.  It says to restore them gently, not hammer them repeatedly and high five your other tormenting Christian brothers and write "scoreboard like" cutdowns all over Facebook --- know what I mean?  That is not restoring them gently.  That is damaging them further.  Is that remotely, as Gal. 6 also says "in humility of mind considering others more important than yourself"?
(this next paragraph is a recent teaching of God to me) Does that even remotely get someone restored?  When you jam that finger in their face or post that knockout comeback  designed to say "hey I'm so cool, you're not...check me out" really, is that even motivated to help anyone?  No....  For me personally, that tactic doesn't inspire me to listen to anyone, it inspires exactly the opposite.  It helps to strengthen my resolve against what is being said in that current moment, even when I am the most Spirit-controlled in my life.  All the sarcastic Facebook memes in the world will never do greater work to restore someone from sin than the genuine word of concern, delivered humbly that is born from a heart that honestly just doesn't want to see another person take more damage from sin. 

Gal 6 talks about being careful  that you are not tempted.  I used to think that this was like, if I was pulling someone out of a strip club to bring a blindfold or I might be tempted to stay and hang, but that's not what it's talking about the loudest.  With verbiage about how we are to be careful "not to think we are something when we are not" and "not comparing yourself to others", it's also loudly proclaiming the danger of the sin of thinking you are better than them because they are in a sin that you don't have to deal with at that moment.  That's pride...

Obadiah 1:3 says "The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rocks and make your home on the heights, you who say to yourself, ‘Who can bring me down to the ground?’"  Those of us who think we are better than others, pride has deceived us, believing that we are above falling.

Honestly, this sounds a whole lot like the folks who proclaim the pitfalls of drinking and homosexuality and drugs and fornication and all that, that we see today all over the place...while there is always a place for the confrontation of sin, there can NEVER be confrontation out of spite or arrogance or "scoreboard mentality" or of a REAL judgmental spirit or to taunt or to label yourself more spiritual/better than someone else.  The ONLY reason to confront someone on sin is to gently restore them to the right way...that's hard for me sometimes because I see truth and I go for it, but I've got to be better than that.
Sin is never a cause to celebrate in calling it out or dealing with it...  1 Corinthians 13:6 "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."  Proverbs 24:17 "Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice."  I don't see God recorded as rejoicing at the Great White Throne Judgment when He does pronounce final judgment on us all...good or bad.  Honestly, when I read what God says that we should treat and feel about our enemies, I doubt seriously that God will give a fist pump when Satan, Hell and the False Prophet hit the fiery pit...it will have to be done, but I don't think He'll be really jazzed about it, other than it's over.  From what I read, it is an inevitability, not a celebration.

Final words:
Here's the deal...when the Bible talks about your "enemies", don't you find it funny that the treatment it describes for you to give them is like you would treat someone that is your friend?  What it's really saying is that you have no enemies that are people here...we are all trying to figure this out, so stop being stupid and shouting down brothers and sisters and really begin to care for them.

Let's be honest...okay, I'm touching the topic...have you ever yelled at a homosexual or someone in ANY sin long enough to get them to stop a behavior?  Does God do that to you?  Does he scream from His holy place at you and throw things at you and beat you up and yell at you until you do what He says?  Or, does He love you, tell you the truth, let you experience the consequences of your actions, pick up the pieces of those actions, tell you in His Word what caused them, tell you not do that because it's not good for you or others, then love you, forgive you, even when you blow it and mess up again?  It's the latter...but that's harder and it takes more strength and it's more difficult and it's more messy and others will think you are getting walked on and someone might think you're a sympathizer...which in some cases you should be...strictly defined, you should always sympathize with ANYONE who is under the control of sin...you've been there, you know how bad it is, you know how hard it was to quit and how you failed 20 minutes ago and how bad you felt and how thankful you were that God forgave you...so yes, you should ALWAYS sympathize with sin, but NEVER compromise to its control...

One more type of violation of Matthew 7...judgment of the repentant hypocrite (which we all are)I think it's ridiculous for someone to say "well, you messed up so you have no right to say anything." That's ridiculous. Truth doesn't change because someone violates it, in fact, if it's truth, it's shown to be true. You go ask some pastor caught in adultery if he gets a deeper sense of why adultery is wrong and I bet he'll give you a resounding "yes" followed by a sermon from behind the fry cooker at Hardee's why he wished he'd have never done it. Was he wrong? Yes. Does he know it deeper? Yes. They are speaking from the most profound and heartfelt platform of credibility that exists, they know better than anyone about how bad it really is.  They understand in a less desirable, but more powerful way how right the truth of God is because they have blown it and seen the opposite side of the truth in action.

To be honest, there's a lot of Christians who violate Matthew 7:1 with Christian leaders EVERY DAY...ever said "I'll never listen to anything that guy/gal has to say...they were wrong this time I heard them."  I have before (raises hand).  Good for you, you figured out they were wrong. But now they're irredeemable and worthless? Have you ever read Matthew 6:15 (But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.) Do you want God to forgive you with the quality that you forgive others or do you want to strive to forgive others to the quality of God?  Matthew 7 and other places in God's Word gives you plenty of ways to test what they say...use that.

I know this was a mouthful and really long, but there's a lot to be said there.  I could have broken it up into several posts but it just came out in one.

Why religious never did cut it

There's not a lot that I would like to think that I would die for, but I can tell you, a religion is not on that short list.  My Mom, my wife, my kids, family, some friends...man, I don't know what other people fall there, but there is at least one more that I'd like to say I'd die for...that's Christ. 

Day in day out, I actually try that...I try to take what I'd call a good direction and kill that, then replace that answer with what I think Christ thinks is a good direction.  Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't, but when I begin to think about Jesus, honestly, it's pretty far from what my personal in-brain pic is of "religion".

When you say "religion"...I see gold statues with stained glass and an out-of-focus guy in a ceremony of some sort (not Jesus, I'm thinking clergyman or something - no offense to white robe wearing Christ followers)...no, I'm not dying for that.  I don't think I could give my life to something that basically existed to perpetuate a weekly meeting so people could sort of build up some mix between a moral college fraternity, a sing-along club and a support group...with T-shirts.  Nope, that's not for me...never has been...

When I think of Jesus, it's a lot different.  It's someONE, not some thing.  It's not a church service, it's a friend, but more than that.  It's someone who daily explains what this whole life thing is about.  It's in focus.  It's someone who cares about my issues and problems, when He's got LOADS more that I would consider important.  It's someone I'd like to be like...and if I could do that, I could die a success...and fortunately, if I did, I'd just keep on living.  No, Jesus is what returns everything to center, he's what balances my life.  If there's a problem with me personally, I always find the answer coming from Him.  I've seen and experienced enough stuff...crazy stuff...in following Christ to know that He's in charge of this place, because, like Jason Bourne directing the reporter through the crowded train station around the agency guys that were looking to kill him...He's directed me around too much stuff that I had no idea was going on all around me...just way too much.  I know what happened to the reporter in the movie...don't really want some proverbial correlation to happen to me, so I'm sticking with Him.

The biggest reason that I would die for Jesus is the fact that He died for me first.  Yeah, I'm one of everyone, but I believe, through my reading of the Scripture, that if there was only one person on Earth, and that one was me, He'd still see it in His heart to make my sorry self a priority (or your sorry self)...and that blows my mind, because I know all the stuff I've done and what I think and how I am and all that stuff I should've done that I was too heartless or lazy or gutless or selfish to do...and I know He knew it too, before I ever did it and before He decided to die for me, and He did it anyway.  Basically, there's no one I can trust to have my back more than Him and I'd be a complete waste if I didn't return the favor.  You see, I've found out in my short life if you find someone you can trust greatly in your life, you need to make sure they stay around...but even greater than that, I've found someone who I can trust implicitly.  He never has a bad day...He's never in a mood.  He never is just tired of me and says "forget you", even for a second...If He had a middle name it would be "consistency".  He's the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and that includes somehow finding worth in me.  He's my most trusted friend who has fixed more problems for me than I could ever begin to count, and He's never betrayed a trust or given me bad advice or sold me out...quite the opposite.

That's why a religion is something that I'd never die for....and honestly, neither would Jesus.  He didn't die for a movement, He died for me... and you...whoever you are.  My life isn't built around dry ritual or cool music or classical music or theological terms that tell you I went to school (a lot) or ethereal one-liners that make you go "mmm" and stare out across the beach at the ocean contemplating existence...no thanks.  I'll take Jesus and my relationship with my friend, brother, King, confidant and mentor.

That's why I just shake my head when people ask me if I'm religious...and I try to think "yeah, I know what they are trying to say" and then I'll just say "I guess so" or "in a sense" or try to be all cryptic and such so I don't have to just stop the question cold.  It's way deeper than that... I get to "be" a Christ follower, I don't have to "do" it...  My relationship with Christ it not something I do, it's something I am...I can't take it off, it's stuck to me, it is me.  A religion seems like a club and if you don't like it, you can leave... I wouldn't be up at 12:42am on a Saturday blogging about something that disposable.   Maybe that's why so many people waltz in and out of religions like they join some Interpretive Dance Class on Thursdays and when their schedules change, they find something different to "do"... I get that, but, then again, that's why religious never really did cut it for me.

How to handle it when it's your fault

This isn't really a break down of Scripture, I guess, but more along the lines of integrity and honesty and doing something we all have to do...deal with mistakes.  In EVERY area of our lives we deal with mistakes, faults in judgment and sometimes, downright intentional, conscious wrongs in our lives.  A truth that I've heard over and over is that one's reputation is defined not so much by the absence of mistakes in your life, but more so by your response to the presence of mistakes that inevitably come along.

Here are some thoughts on making mistakes and how you handle them when you do.  These thoughts have come from listening to various speakers and mentors in my life, but also germinate from doing further introspection on my own failures/successes in response to my mistakes, and also from watching other people's handling of their own situations, both positively and negatively.  I'm not "preaching" from the "top of the hill" here by any means...here we go.  We're assuming it's your mistake from here on out...

1)  When possible, be the first to admit it.  I'm going further than just admission, actively trumpet the investigation if it's you.  If you know you did something, don't wait for someone to figure out who did it.  Quite the opposite, call the person affected and tell them first...hopefully before they feel the effects of it at all  Yeah, occasionally, it might cost you something they wouldn't ever have known, but in most situations, it will develop trust that if you do something wrong, they will never have to worry about chasing you down.  Admit it to those that are most greatly affected by it in order of most to least.

2)  Always take responsibility...apologize first...try to make it right first...  If it's your mistake, own it completely without trying to deflect responsibility to someone/something else.
Don't plea bargain.  On Law and Order, many times, the ADA Jack McCoy (on older episodes) will negotiate with a random defense attorney (the L & O version of the guys in the Red Shirts that were always dog meat on the old Star Trek).  He'll take the real crime and negotiate the charges down to something the defense attorney can live with, but something that will satisfy the DA, if he feels the original charge might cause him to lose with a jury trial.  Many times our first response to being caught in a mistake is to try to lessen the severity of what was done or "plea bargain" our fault down to something smaller to make us feel better...don't do that...you know.  Have integrity.
Don't make excuses.  Excuses and reasons are really close together sometimes...but ask yourself. 
Am I making an excuse?
Here's a good determiner.  Judge your response by this.  Is the reason I'm giving something that absolutely prevented me from accomplishing what I promised or is it a factor that made it harder, but really shouldn't have stopped me?  2nd shot:  Would you call someone on your excuse if they were giving it to you?  You know the answer to those two questions.

Tidbit on 1 and 2:  Being quick and forthcoming in admitting your mistake and taking responsibility for it can many times turn a short-term negative into a long-term positive. 

3)  Work the solution to immediate damage first.  What we can tend to do is start trying to fix what caused the problem, as in giving the reason why it happened..that's great for next time, but it doesn't fix what's wrong now.  Don't move to the explanation of why it happened until you've dealt with the immediate damage.  Fix what's wrong now first, then deal with later after.  When you try to start trying to save your reputation, you communicate that you are more concerned about you than the damage you are responsible for or the person you might have wronged.

If there is a reason that legitimately made it impossible to complete the task, that's honest and after you've taken responsibility, after you've apologized and tried to make it right, let people know that.  That might help avoid further problems...that's productive.  Which leads to #4. 

4)  Evaluate it and chuck it.  Study it and learn why you made it, take something positive from it.  Then, throw...it...away.  I've fallen into the traps that exist on the opposite ends of both of these things.  I've made mistakes, not evaluated why, not learned from them and done exactly what happens when you do that...repeated the mistake again.  I've also held the mistake in my heart and have beaten myself up over it time and time again...which makes you timid, afraid to take risks and demotivated.  Both traps are POINTLESS, damaging, and counterproductive. 

The truth is that lapses in judgment and character problems happen to everyone...everyone messes up sometime, so you are no different from anyone else.  All of those things are just evidence of something that should be generally accepted...there is a sin nature inside you that seeks to rule your heart.  You don't believe me...ever said "I know I shouldn't do this, but..." followed by that little adrenaline rush...yep, there you go.  You will always struggle with it, but through Christ, you can overcome it.  Still, you will never be away from it, so learn from it and rest on God's grace in your life.

Some of the greatest lessons ever learned, taught or modeled in the Bible have been setup by someone blowing it...don't be so apprehensive about playing the idiot in your story (preachers could learn a lot from this).  When we are quick to take responsibility, seek forgiveness, and get things right in our relationships, we are modelling the correct behavior to deal with sin in our relationship with God.  When we are open and honest about our missteps, we allow others to be also.  There's a lot of pent-up people in the world who need to lighten up and enjoy the fact that Romans 8:28 tells us that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love and serve the Lord."  So if I'm following Him, even when I realize I've blown it, I'm in good shape.  Admit it quickly...1 John 1:9 tells us He will forgive us (which is something we need to model when we are on the other end of the forgiving stick, btw...another blog for another time).  Ask forgiveness, make restitution when necessary or possible. What is the lesson to be learned...assimilate that, then chuck it and the useless guilt that it brings.