My Dad is Better Than Your Dad

When I was young, we boys would periodically have a bout of “My Dad is better than your Dad”.  We’d throw out some awesome feat...NEVER embellished or exaggerated.. that our Dads had done, that was obviously an achievement that clearly made him the “Dad over all”.  While that was fun (even if it was more than a little bit of perjury if we’d have done it in a court of law), what is cute as kids, often becomes ugly as adults...especially with Christians.

More and more on social media, I see other Christians rolling out some blog or scathing video about “nationally-know pastor” or “those type of churches”.  It always makes me cringe, because rarely is anyone ever pointing at themselves and their church in repentance.  Mostly, it’s a finger pointing exercise at the “really bad” Christians over there...that aren’t me.

A defining statement like John 13:35 gets thrown away.  Matthew 18, Galatians 6 and Proverbs 16:18 are ignored.  It’s like trying to find the next “sinner” to expose has become the national distraction for what Christians should be doing.  If that’s you, let me share something with you...you don’t have to search for sinners, because we all are and if someone says they aren’t, then they are lying...which is a sin.  

As a fellow believer in Boston told me recently, “no one ever says that the problem with the church is that we’ve got TOO many people telling others about Jesus.”  Like anything else, purpose gets lost in the wake of distraction.  What’s sad is this rash of stuff rarely produces solution, only division.  It is really just an indirect method of pointing to how YOU have it all together...leaving Jesus out of the equation.  That type of stuff between Christians really just ends up looking like two second graders, fighting about whose Dad is better. and then you come to find out that they are siblings and the “Dads” they are comparing is the same guy.

Don’t seek out the “angry ones” who live to create conflict as your influences.  If you see someone caught in a sin, resist the urge to run to Facebook, Twitter or Sunday School to nail them with your cool insult, no matter how famous or wrong they appear to be.  I want to do that too, sometimes, but even though it’s hard, try praying for them instead.  I really fail more than I’d like to admit, but it’s always better when I succeed.  Spend 1000 times as many words as you ever say about someone in criticism, either in loving restorative (sometimes difficult) words to them directly or in talking to the only One who can ever make a real difference (See Gal 6, Matthew 18, etc..).  You might find yourself more compassionate than contrary, or maybe even becoming more “Christlike”...and if that happens, maybe your Dad will, with lack of comparison, brag on you.

How do you know if God is speaking to you?

I always say in messages that you should listen to God and do what He says, regardless of if it fits with what you think is in your path, He should be the one who directs your steps.

Someone asked me yesterday "How do I know if what I'm hearing is God speaking to me or if it's just my own idea that I want to do?"  While I can't speak directly to everything that God says to you or anyone, I can give you some guidelines to test whether God is directing you are not.

1)  You need to have a relationship with Christ.  This is crucial.  It means that you've accepted that you've been at odds with God and that can be as simple as not doing exactly what He wants from you (we've all been there) at some time in your life.  Realizing that Romans 6:23 says that the wages or price of that sin is death or separation from God.  God sent Jesus, His son, to live on Earth as a human and Jesus lived as no one has ever done before or since...He never did anything that God did not want from Him, He never sinned.  Then he was killed for our sin, so that justice in Romans 6:23 could be satisfied, but we could have a way not to be eternally separated from Him.  The way we accept this is to confess with our mouth that Jesus is our Lord (in other ways, we do what He says to do and live our lives for His purposes not our own) and believe in our heart (total belief) that He was God's Son.  That's the first thing.

2)  Begin to read God's Word daily and spend time praying (talking) with Him...and listening.  Jesus said in John 10:23 that the people who follow Him know His voice.  So, as we follow HIm, His voice is more evident...it's cumulative.  Also, He will never tell you to do something against His Word.  He'll never say "Hey, your wife is mean..leave her, you've put up with enough."  Or  "Your husband is an inconsiderate loser...leave him, that'll show him."  That's contrary with the Bible's clear teaching on marriage, so better check that..  As you spend time with God following Him, you'll get to know him more and more.  Also, during each day, I look for other ways for God to communicate or shape the direction that He wants me to go and it's amazing how things begin to line up.

3)  Plug into a Bible teaching church that you can trust.   You should be able to trust that the leadership seek God personally...that people in the church do the same.  It should be a place where you connect with people and that's on you to try as well, not just on them to do all the work of relationship.  Then you develop relationships with people who you know are following God and have your best interests at heart.  Proverbs tells us that "as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another"...we are meant to learn in groups, sharing what we learn and building on it.  Many times, I've sought others' viewpoints on what God is telling me and they've affirmed it or what's going on with them/what God is teaching them has helped shape the direction.  It's giving God more avenues to speak to you.

If it's a life-altering decision, like a career change or a location change or something big, like say God was telling me to quit my job and start a ministry to help the homeless, I might meet with someone from "His Place Ministries" or from "Our Daily Bread" (ministries in Melbourne/Palm Bay area) and see how God inspired them to start these ministries and look for affirmation or shaping in those discussions.

Relationship with Christ -- testing what is said against God's Word and listening to Him -- looking for signs and messages around you -- plugging into a community of believers who give God more opportunities to speak to you...all these things are great for you.  If you are married, your spouse will be a big player in this, because nothing you do is separate from them...so they have to be in with you to a degree.  It might be in the "okay, we'll try that" or in the "alright!!! I'm in!!!" mode.  God has directed the timing of moves in my life by the way He's spoken to my wife or the time that He's taken to speak to her and vice versa, her with me.

Hope that helps you to know if God is speaking to you on a certain issue.

I hope this helps...

Changes coming to KIDzone

Each week, Katye or I or both ask our kids what they learned each Sunday and I"m blessed to hear the Scriptural principles and lessons that they are learning in KIDzone each week.  Still, I know that we don't develop for the moment, we develop with the future in mind.  Over the last month or so, I've asked Raul to pray and think about our overall strategy in KIDzone, in light of preparing our kids to eject seamlessly into our church worship when they graduate from KIDzone one day.  

In thinking and praying through that directive and having some valuable conversations with some of the KZ leadership, Raul came to me with some changes to propose for our KIDzone that not only continues to address the needs of our children, but also, begins to prepare them from the beginning for what they will experience when they leave KIDzone and begin to worship in our main worship center.

Currently, we basically have a children's church at 3 groups:  Nursery/Toddlers, Pre-K (3 years- Kindergarten) and Elementary (Grades 1-6).  In each area, we take that group and work with curriculum and activities that are age appropriate for that group.  I believe that while I try to put the "peanut butter on the lowest shelf so everyone can reach it", so to speak, as a communicator, a 35 minute lecture style setting doesn't do the greatest job with our younger believers of getting across the tenants of Scripture.  In our day and time, there are loads of materials and curriculum that created by Christians who have devoted their lives to teaching children about Jesus in ways that get the maximum impact in their lives.  I totally believe in that.  I grew up sitting in church services with large words and illustrations that I really didn't understand, geared to the majority of the room...adults.  As a result, I remember to this day the look, feel and lesson of the only time I ever attended children's church at my great aunt's church at Ozark Baptist and learning in a setting and way that I understood...and that's been 30+ years ago.  Still, when our kids leave KIDzone, they are put into our worship service at 7th grade and then it's a whole new ballgame...how do we make that transition more seamless?  Well, there are two subtle changes that Raul is leading us toward.

1)  Our Nursery will begin to add two elements, loosely structured.  Music and the Word.  In the past, we've focused on showing the love of Christ to our little ones, helping them to understand that church is a loving place and to represent God as a loving caring parent.  We'll still focus on that, but we'll be looking to add reading to our kids from interesting story books of God's bible stories and playing music that has a message of Christ throughout the hour...maybe even challenging our workers to sing a song with the kids.

2)  In our Elementary KIDzone, we'll begin this Sunday, September 29, 2013 to go a little bit "old school" and bring this age group into the service with us during the first portion of our adult service.  At a point in the adult worship service, the leadership will clearly and seamlessly direct parents to let their kids leave with their KZ leaders en masse and we'll continue in our service as normal.  This change allows our kids to witness/participate in things like singing to God together, video testimonies, and other elements of our services that works great for them, getting a taste of our worship service.  It also allows those of our Elementary aged kids who have accepted Christ to participate in The Lord's Supper (or Communion) when we take that together as a body.  It will be up to the parents to educate and guide their kids through these times, which further helps the family bond.  At the same time, they will eject from the service to get the benefits of directed teaching, in a format that they can understand and benefit from the most.  

Will that be a little more crazy that we are used to?  Yep, some kids will have to adjust (probably mine - ;) ) and it will take time for them to learn their surroundings to be a part.  Sometimes, they will be impatient and they will be fidgety and will probably do things that adults would NEVER do...that's cool.  We are TEACHING them as much as participating with them and part of teaching is learning to have grace through innocent mistakes, as well as willful ones.

How can you help?

1)  You participate in the service and put your attention on God.  Be sensitive of the time of the service and what's going on and model engaging in what we are doing.

2)  Don't be a distraction to the kids...they'll have plenty.  Resist the urge when that cute 1st grader wants to peak over their shoulder at you to start the "pee-pie" game or something that seems innocuous...you know when to quit, many of them haven't learned that yet and their parents are trying to get them to participate...so don't be a sour guy that's gives them the "scowl", but just redirect them subtly, while leaving it to their parent to do the "heavy lifting"..it takes a village to raise and child and that's true in church as well.

3)  If you see someone NEW that looks lost, step out and help graciously.  We went to another church years back that did this and all of a sudden the kids started leaving the service and we didn't see it...a kind lady behind us tapped us on the shoulder with a smile and said "Hey would you like for your children to go to children's church?", then another lady offered to walk my kids to the workers with her kids...I'm not sure if we were having a meltdown and they were really trying to get us moving OR if they were just being welcoming (lol), but it didn't matter, they were loving people and that's how we accepted and appreciate it.

4)  Be patient, kind and loving, not disapproving and elitist.  Just because a kid is having a bad morning, it doesn't help to give the parents "the stare".  I'm telling you, as a parent, we are well aware when our kids aren't behaving and our brains are working overtime to try to solve the situation somewhere between "bringing the hammer" and making it worse AND ignoring it and letting it grow...we know and the "stare" that tells us we are failing and you'd do it better, doesn't help at all.

Right now, there will be no changes to our Pre-K area, they are just fine.  They already have elements of our worship service introduced to them in ways they can get right now.  Overall, we feel that this represents a gradual, yet purposeful approach to developing our children to be a part of the body as adults, not just an age group, while STILL maximizing their experience and teaching, preparing them for a seamless transition into our services.

As a pastor, I'm very grateful to Raul for his work and passion in this area and the time he's been putting in to make things run smoothly, especially through the transition into his new role and into the new location at the same time...we really threw him into the fire.  Good job, man!

All our leaders (Randy and Nathan) really put their hearts into what they do and are doing a great job as well.  Please continue to pray for and support your leaders.  

Bay West Church is MOVING...to another church? What?????

Here's a pretty good sample conversation in my life these days.

Person:  What's going on at Bay West Church?
Me:  Well, we're about to start meeting in a new place in August for worship on Sundays.
Person:  That's awesome!  Where is it?

Me:  Up on the West end of Emerson in Palm Bay (100 Emerson Drive, 32907)...you know The Mission Church, there?  That's where we'll be.

Person:  What?  Where is The Mission Church going?

lol.  I figured it might be fun to share the explanation in one place...so here's what I say next.

The Mission Church isn't going anywhere.  They'll be there and so will we, AND so will the Hispanic church that meets in the building as well.  Since the 80s, when the Ostranders built the church, they have always had other churches meeting in their space.  They see this as part of their ministry to Palm Bay to help other churches get off the ground.  "This is God's building, not ours...nothing is off limits to you here...we want you guys to feel as if this is Bay West Church's home while you are here."  That's the type of things we heard in our meetings with Pastor Mark, Pastor Jesse and Pastor John.  They have a real kingdom mindset, because more healthy churches reaching people in Palm Bay is better for all...no church competition here.

Here's a good picture of their attitude...their offer.  We'll move our services from 10:15 to 9am, so you guys can have a service on Sunday mornings in our worship center.  You guys have all these cabinets and stuff...hey, we've got places you can store the stuff...don't spend money on storage, we want you to put as much as you can into ministry.  We'll find places for you to store it here.  If you've been in The Mission, you know it's not gigantic...that's generosity.  You see the real test of someone's kingdom mindedness when it actually puts them out...when they have to sacrifice their capabilities to help God work through you.  We should all take a lesson from them.

So at 8:00am on August 11th, they'll have their Sunday School, then at 9:00am their have their service and finish between 10:15 and 10:30...then we'll start our service at 11am.  And we'll all have church.

Is Bay West Church going to merge with The Mission Church?  
Nope...we are still a campus of FBC Melbourne, still a Southern Baptist Church.  Meeting in the same building with two other churches...  Although, Pastor Mark is trying to talk me into going to Haiti on a mission trip with him...I'll have to hook him up with our local Haiti "missionary" Bob Osterholm (lol).

That's how it works...it may sound different, maybe a little weird, but it's a God thing...just go with it.
 

REMEMBER...Football is in the Fall, right?  Then remember 11 on 11...11am on the 11th of August is when Bay West will be in their new location.

***See how I resisted the normal tangent about how a church isn't a building...it's people.  When you think about it that way...it's a lot easier.

A thought about following God's will

Katye is reading this great book called Sifted by Wayne Cordeiro, founding pastor of New Hope Christian Fellowship in Honolulu, Hawaii.  It's about preparing church planters and church leaders to face the struggles of leading a church, especially in that type of situation.  We heard him speak at the Exponential 2013 conference in Orlando that we attended recently together (first time in YEARS to go to a conference together).  She read me this section the other day (good to have a wife that reads!) and it was really good.

It was about following God's direction in your life when you are presented with options.  The basic gist was that if he is presented with a direction and he doesn't receive a clear "no" in seeking God for the direction, he proceeds ahead, trusting God to shut the door.  The truth, he said, is either it's the right thing, God will shut the door or at worst, you made a mistake and God will make you wiser in the end from it.  He's always going to take care of us.

That's backwards from the way we do things, we don't move ahead without the clear "YES!" sometimes, but that's not always how it is following God...one thing is sure, sometimes the process is meant to be the tool by which He communicates direction, not a pre-arranged contract that you sign before you ever start that spells out everything.  Honestly, He might be just needing you to "move over" a little toward the direction to put you in position for the next thing that He wants you to do.

I plan on reading the book, and from all the things Katye has shared, I recommend it, especially for church leaders.

Let it Burn...or not

Ever look at a campfire after the flame has died down?  You’re sitting there late at night and there’s a little glow emanating off the coals of the fire.  You think the fire’s out… until you chunk a little piece of paper next to one of the embers… then the flame appears again. 

Conflict can be like that also, it can burn like a fire.  If we are smart, we go to the person who hurt us and we work it out…usually, forgiveness comes into play, and it’s extinguished….if we are lucky.  Sometimes, we let it smolder, like an ember, and it waits to flame again later.

When Jesus was asked by one of His disciples about how many times to forgive someone, the disciple suggested 7 times.  Jesus countered with 70 times 7.  We tend to think that someone might have to commit an offense against us 490 times and then we forgive them 490 times…but I think we miss something. 

Forgiveness is more of a process than a one-time event… we don’t just forget what happened.  I think Jesus was saying that you might have to use 490 “forgives” on one occurrence of the wrong.  Anything can remind me of pain…a TV program, a song, a conversation, etc…  To forgive means, every time something reminds me of the hurt, I have to make the choice to forgive the person, every time…maybe 1000 times, just for that one thing.

If forgiveness doesn’t stick, pain can come back at any time, like that glowing ember.  Most times, if the flame isn’t there, i.e. the conflict’s died down, we think everything’s okay because the fire is gone, but not hardly.  Let some little piece of “paper”, a word or a look, get too near the glowing ember and you find out the flame burns strong…just like that. We think the “paper” is the problem, but it’s really not.  If the “paper” just lies there, it never burns on its own.  It needs the ignored ember to light it again.  The hotter the fire/hurt, usually the longer the process of forgiveness… but it’s got to be done because usually the person that takes the most damage is the one nearest the fire, and that’s not the person who messed me over…that’s me or those close to me.

For a bowl of soup...

²⁹ One day when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau arrived home from the wilderness exhausted and hungry. ³⁰ Esau said to Jacob, “I’m starved! Give me some of that red stew!” (This is how Esau got his other name, Edom, which means “red.”)

³¹ “All right,” Jacob replied, “but trade me your rights as the firstborn son.”

³² “Look, I’m dying of starvation!” said Esau. “What good is my birthright to me now?”

³³ But Jacob said, “First you must swear that your birthright is mine.” So Esau swore an oath, thereby selling all his rights as the firstborn to his brother, Jacob.

³⁴ Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and lentil stew. Esau ate the meal, then got up and left. He showed contempt for his rights as the firstborn.
Genesis 25:29-34 (NLT)

You might read this and think...that's flat stupid.  The rights as the firstborn are pretty substantial, especially when your Dad is rich.  Isaac, his Dad, was so blessed of God that the Philistines were jealous of him.   As the firstborn son, Esau received twice the inheritance of the other sons, pretty much...and he gave this up because he was hungry, for a bowl of soup.  I sincerely doubt that the guy was about to die, especially when you think back to the 80s and people on hunger strikes living for a month or 2 without food.  Ghandi, at age 74, made it 21 days.  So yeah, I doubt he was that hungry and yes...that's stupid.

Before you start throwing tomatoes and making "selling your birthright for soup" jokes, you might want to realize that you and I do this every day.  How?

As Christ followers we sell our birthright as an adopted son of God all the time, in a sense, by sacrificing what our God has given us to meet a stupid need that wasn't really a need anyway...

...we throw away our witness because someone made us mad.

...we throw away our marriages because of a moment...

...we throw away our finances because we felt we needed more...

...we sin carelessly just because...

...we turn our backs on GREATNESS for God, because we are so afraid of being hungry for a minute...

Wow...don't give up on God today.  The way we approach Him sometimes, it's almost as we are hoping He'll fail or quit or change His mind or get bored and go bother someone else with His grandiose ideas and plans...and when He does, we throw out comments like "well, I guess God wasn't in that."  Well, He was, but, after a while, He took His plans to those that would follow Him, so you are right, NOW, He's not...

...but hey, you got a bowl of soup in your hand, meeting the tiny need of the moment, and it only cost you an unseen fortune.

¹⁷ 17 This is what the Lord says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the paths you should follow.
¹⁸ 18  Oh, that you had listened to my commands!  Then you would have had peace flowing like a gentle river  and righteousness rolling over you like waves in the sea.
¹⁹ 19  Your descendants would have been like the sands along the seashore—
    too many to count!  There would have been no need for your destruction,  or for cutting off your family name.”
Isaiah 48:17-19 (NLT)