Sugar and air

Every year, we make our way around to that time when we all are bombarded with signs of love everywhere. Hearts, flowers and balloons mark the stores, advertisements and commercials on TV. Usually our mental paintings of love consist of romantic fancy and that's certainly a part of the equation. Still, for me, I see this extreme over-emphasis on this small part of love, as more of a detriment in some ways than a help. Don't lynch me...hear me out.

I fear that in focusing exclusively on the emotional part of love in our relationships, we walk away with the wrong definition of what we sign up for. Love is not about that rush of feeling you get, that's not the substance of love, that's like the icing on a cake. Icing on a cake is pretty much sugar and air. In every relationship, there comes a time, where the strength of love is tested. If your version of "love" is just sugar and air, then you are in trouble, because there no substance to it. Icing never stands by itself, it needs a solid substance by which to cling.

The substance of real love is based in commitment and sacrifice. The Bible says that there's no greater love that a man can have than to lay down his life for his friends. The most extreme picture of this definition was when God's Son, Jesus, gave His life for every one of us without a "pre-nuptial" promise beforehand. That's unconditional...freely given regardless of whether it's returned or not.

Everyone longs to be loved in this manner because it's real. The problem is that we all want it, but we don't want to do the work to give it. It's the son that wants his mom to just "accept him", but doesn't embrace her lack of acceptance. It's the wife, that thinks its all her husband's fault, and if he'd just "love" her like he is supposed to, then everything would be fine or the husband who does the same...we all want to have the perfect partner to love, but much like Jesus, who has no choice but imperfection from which to choose to love, it isn't happening. That's part of what Jesus modeled for us, because the strength of love is never in the getting, but in the giving of it. Here's another truth of it...if you aren't willing to give it, you will never get it, it will never come to you by demanding it. You'll just be shouting at the rain. It's a commitment freely given, with risk of it never returning anything. That's hard, but true.

So when you "get" the flowers or the golf clubs or the card, and over a candlelight dinner you gaze into the eyes of someone, don't forget that the feeling of the moment has to have some hard choosing, unglamorous, pride-swallowing sacrifice at its foundation if it's going to last. If not, it'll wash away at some point, either in light rain or hurricane, because ultimately, it was just sugar and air to begin with.