While these seem more controllable and harmless, more dangerous games are "played" like marital affairs. John connects with Jennifer from high school and driven by strong early emotions and a lot of rose-colored glasses about the past, John and Jennifer begin a relationship online that leads them to connect emotionally again...one problem, John and Jennifer are married and not to each other...and they end up leaving their previous soulmates to be together in some sort of "we found our real soulmate...no, REALLY...not like the other soulmates, but the real only one for me" moment.
There's a growing trend to outlaw Facebook in business and religious circles, and, from ministers to counselors, to "demonize" it. So is Facebook a marriage killer? I don't think so. The pattern of online affairs usually seems to follow the same pattern as any affair...connection, emotional attachment, improper contact, secretive continuance, adultery and ultimately, announcing that you've found "the one" to "the one" you've already found. Facebook isn't the problem, it's an opportunity for connection and at ANY opportunity for connection people can stumble. Without discipline and transparency and honesty, anyone can sin. I think the Bible shows us how sin happens in James 1...
14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.
15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. 16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters.
This passage is talking about the subject of whether or not God tempts us to sin and while the answer is "no", this passage gives us the pattern by which sin...ALL sin...happens. There is a desire that tempts us, we linger with that desire and hang around with it...then it takes hold of us and we act on it (gives birth to sin) and then that sin leads to death. Sounds a lot like the process of an affair...online or otherwise.
I've thought rather than demonize Facebook, maybe we should look at the real problem which is ourselves and put our guards there. There's no denying that Facebook gives more occasion for connection, that's why it's popular, but just like any other area of connection, it shouldn't give us some "free pass" to throw off all safeguards and just act however...that's where the real problem comes.
In real life, I don't ride in a car by myself with a member of the opposite sex that isn't family, if I can help it...I don't tell things to members of the opposite sex that I haven't told my wife. I don't have personal conversations with members of the opposite sex, but if a conversation turns that way, I talk about it with Katye. She is privy to all parts of my life...and loads of that are things that I tell NO ONE but her and vice versa with her.
I don't violate those things on Facebook either... and then there's other guards as well, if I don't know you, I'm probably not going to accept your friend request. I stay off private chat, if I can help it...if I do get on and talk with someone, I'll let Katye know what we said. That's transparency...that's a big part of safety. If I'd feel weird telling Katye about an interaction, then it's a safe bet, I don't need to take that connection opportunity...that's a good safeguard for me.
The truth is that affairs start at ANY connection point...too many affairs start at work, so should we stop working? or make work segregated sexaully? No. Work isn't the problem...and neither is Facebook. The problem is the lack of discipline of the people who use it...and to an experience, that's exactly how sin works...regardless of the medium.
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